Using 'wait time' with your kids

One of my college professors once told me that it takes the average student about 15 seconds to process a question and decide whether or not to raise their hand. To prove the point, he would ask us something, then stand silently for a full 15 seconds (sometimes longer). It felt like forever. Sitting in that silence was awkward…. But it was also powerful. It gave us time to think, gather our thoughts, and actually decide to respond.

I’ve carried that memory into my therapy sessions. While the kids I work with aren’t college students, I’ve seen the same principle at play: they need time to process language and communication. When I give a direction or ask a question, if I wait just a little longer, they often surprise me with what they can do.

What This Looks Like in Therapy

• Waiting longer than feels natural. Sometimes in a session, I’ll ask a child a question and resist the urge to repeat myself. More often than not, after a few seconds, they respond - because they heard me the first time, they just needed space to process.

• Recognizing when I’m interrupting. If a child is building with blocks or engaged in pretend play, my words pull them out of that focus. I’ve learned to give them a beat to “switch gears” before expecting a response. It’s the same feeling I get when I’m deeply focused on a project and someone interrupts me - I need a moment to shift. Kids do too.

• Using fewer words. I’ve also noticed that the less I pile on directions or talk just for the sake of filling the silence, the more opportunities kids have to show me what they know. The child often fills the silence with a response I was hoping for (or maybe one I wasn't expecting).

Why This Matters

Here’s the truth: this takes practice. Waiting isn’t easy. Silence feels uncomfortable, and when kids don’t respond right away, it’s tempting to assume they’re ignoring us or being disobedient. Add in our fast-paced culture - where everyone’s rushing to the next thing - and patience becomes even harder.

But when we slow down and give our kids time, we set them up for success. We give them a chance to prove that they do know, that they can follow through, without us jumping in too soon. Their brains are busy places, constantly absorbing new information. The least we can do is give them time to sort through it.

And if you give it a try, you might be pleasantly surprised by just how much your child understands… simply because you gave them the time to show you.

Thanks for reading, have a great weekend!

Casey

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