Hi friends! This is Reed. Today’s email topic has been a helpful one for me as a parent, so I hope it helps you too. Before jumping in, I want to encourage you to share this newsletter with other parents or grandparents you know, I’ve even included a link right here as well as the message you can send if you don’t want to waste time writing your own! 😉
“Hey! My friend Casey started a newsletter for parents of young kids. She’s using her years of experience as a Speech Therapist to give parents and caretakers bitesized tips and insights to help children learn to communicate. It’s probably the best, most exciting, and least boring thing to hit your inbox this week, so you’ll be missing out if you don’t subscribe. Here’s the link, you can thank me later!”
Attach this link to your copied + pasted message from above!
With that out of the way, here’s this week’s newsletter ⬇️
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Misbehaving, Or Miscommunication?
As a speech-language pathologist who has had over 5 years of experience supporting children with complex communication and behavioral needs, I’ve worked with many incredible kids who’ve been described as “naughty,” “defiant,” and/or “aggressive.” But more often than not, when we take a closer look, what appears to be misbehavior is actually a mismatch - between what a child wants to communicate, and what they are able to communicate.
Behavior. Is. Communication.
When a child throws a toy, hits a sibling, or refuses to follow directions, it’s easy to chalk it up as "bad behavior." But what if that toy-throwing is actually frustration because they can’t find the words to ask for help? Or their refusal to obey is because they didn’t understand the instructions in the first place?
Kids communicate through behavior when verbal language isn’t working for them to achieve the outcome they want. That’s why one of the most powerful things we can do is look beyond the behavior to uncover the message underneath.
3 Questions to Ask When Behavior Strikes
Next time you’re facing a tough behavior moment with your child, pause and ask:
Could they be trying to tell me something with their behavior?
(Maybe: “This is too hard,” “I need help,” or “I don’t like that.”)Do they have the words or gestures to express what they want or need?
Limited language = limited options. Behavior fills in the gaps.Am I honoring their attempts to communicate - even if it’s not with words?
A pointed finger, a frustrated grunt, or walking away can all be messages. When we treat those moments as valid communication (or provide a more effective, appropriate way to communicate these messages), we teach our kids that their voices matter.
What You Can Do Today
Acknowledge the message behind the behavior: Instead of reacting to what your child is doing, try tuning in to why they might be doing it. “I see you’re throwing the toy…Are you feeling stuck?”
Put words to what they’re trying to express: “You’re upset. I think you wanted a turn.” This models language they can use later.
Honor all forms of communication: Whether it's a grunt, a gesture, or walking away, respond to it as a real attempt to connect. Then, gently guide them toward a clearer or more helpful way to express that need.
Offer simple, supported choices: “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” This gives your child control and reduces frustration.
When we recognize behavior as a form of communication, it becomes easier to understand thewhybehind our child’s actions. That clarity helps us take meaningful steps toward solving the real problem and supporting them in communicating more effectively. The more we help kids express themselves functionally, the better equipped they’ll be to handle frustrating moments, and the more chances we’ll have to reduce stress, build connection, and support their growth.
Thanks for reading, I hope it’s helpful!
Casey